After conquering the HMRC Tax Troll, Tunde believed he had finally reached the peak of UK madness.
But the kingdom whispered of a being more powerful than all the others combined.
A being who controlled:
- Driving licences
- Theory test dates
- Practical test cancellations
- And the flow of time itself
This being was known as…
The DVLA Time Lord.
Chapter 1: The Licence That Never Arrived
One sunny morning (a rare miracle in the UK), Tunde checked his mailbox.
Inside was a letter from DVLA.
He opened it eagerly.
It read:
“We have received your application. Processing time: 3 weeks.”
Tunde smiled.
Three weeks passed.
Then six.
Then twelve.
Then the seasons changed. The Queen changed. The Prime Minister changed. Even the price of plantain changed.
But the licence did not arrive.
Tunde whispered, “This country wants to finish me.”
Chapter 2: The Time Lord Appears
One night, as Tunde slept, the air grew cold.
His alarm clock began spinning backwards. His phone calendar reset to 1998. His BRP started vibrating.
Suddenly, a tall figure in a cloak made of expired provisional licences appeared.
His eyes glowed like traffic lights stuck on amber.
“I am the DVLA Time Lord,” he boomed. “Master of Delays. Keeper of Lost Applications. Destroyer of Driving Dreams.”
Tunde trembled.
“Please… I just want my licence.”
The Time Lord laughed.
“You will get it… when the universe is ready.”
Chapter 3: The Impossible Phone Call
The next day, Tunde tried calling DVLA.
He dialled the number.
A robotic voice said:
“Your estimated wait time is… 47 hours.”
Tunde aged spiritually.
He cooked rice. He washed clothes. He took a nap. He watched two Nollywood trilogies.
The line still said:
“Your call is important to us.”
Tunde shouted, “If it’s important, PICK IT!”
The Time Lord chuckled from the shadows.
Chapter 4: The Theory Test Struggle
Tunde decided to book his theory test.
He checked the website.
The earliest available date was:
“March 2027.”
Tunde fainted.
When he woke up, the magical bus was beside him.
“My guy,” the bus said gently, “Even I don’t know how DVLA works.”
Chapter 5: The Pub Wizard’s Final Spell
Tunde ran to The Drunken Unicorn.
“Sir Nigel, the DVLA Time Lord wants to trap me in a time loop!”
The Pub Wizard nodded gravely.
“He is the most ancient being in the kingdom. He once delayed a licence for 14 years.”
Tunde gasped.
“What do I do?”
The wizard handed him a glowing object.
“This is the Sacred Royal Mail Tracking Number. Use it to locate your lost licence.”
Tunde bowed.
“I will not fail.”
Chapter 6: The Battle Through Time
Tunde confronted the Time Lord.
“I have my tracking number. I have my application receipt. I have my passport photo. I am ready.”
The Time Lord hissed.
“You dare challenge me?”
He snapped his fingers.
Time froze.
Birds stopped mid‑air. The magical bus paused mid‑honk. Even the Overtime Goblin froze mid‑complaint.
But Tunde’s tracking number glowed.
It broke the time freeze.
The Time Lord shrieked.
“No! Not organisation! Not… documentation!”
Tunde raised the tracking number higher.
The Time Lord melted into a puddle of outdated DVLA forms.
Tunde had won.
Chapter 7: The Licence Arrives
Weeks later, Tunde heard a knock.
He opened the door.
A Royal Mail postman handed him an envelope.
Inside was…
HIS DRIVING LICENCE.
Tunde danced. The magical bus honked. The Pub Wizard fainted (again). Even the HMRC Tax Troll clapped.
Tunde became known as:
Tunde the Time Breaker. Tunde the Licensed. Tunde, Conqueror of DVLA.
But the kingdom whispered of a new threat…
A creature more chaotic than DVLA. More unpredictable than HMRC. More stressful than the Home Office.
A creature known only as…
THE ENERGY BILL DEMON.
To be continued.
PART 7: Tunde vs. The Energy Bill Demon
