After defeating the Council Tax Witch and the Landlord Dragon, Tunde thought he had finally earned peace.
He was wrong again.
Because deep inside a grey building in Croydon, a place so mysterious that even Google Maps gets confused, lived the most terrifying creature of all:
The Home Office Sorcerer.
A being who could turn a simple visa application into a 9‑month emotional journey.
A being who fed on stress, uncertainty, and biometric appointments.
A being who whispered the most frightening words in the kingdom:
“Your application is still being processed.”
Chapter 1: The Letter of Doom
One morning, Tunde received a letter.
Not an email. Not a text. A physical letter which meant trouble.
He opened it slowly.
It read:
“We require further evidence.”
Tunde screamed so loudly that the magical bus swerved on the motorway.
“What evidence again?” he cried. “I have given them bank statements, payslips, tenancy agreement, blood sample, and my primary school report card!”
The letter simply repeated:
“Further evidence.”
Chapter 2: The Home Office Sorcerer Appears
That night, as Tunde slept, a cold wind blew through his room. Papers rustled. His BRP glowed.
Suddenly, a tall figure in a cloak made of shredded visa applications appeared.
His eyes flickered like malfunctioning fluorescent lights.
“I am the Home Office Sorcerer,” he boomed. “Keeper of Delays. Master of Confusion. Destroyer of Plans.”
Tunde trembled. “What do you want from me?”
The sorcerer smiled wickedly.
“I want… more documents.”
Tunde fainted.
Chapter 3: The Impossible Requirements
The next day, Tunde tried to gather the “further evidence.”
The Home Office Sorcerer demanded:
A bank statement from 2014
A payslip from a job Tunde never worked
Proof that he existed before birth
A letter from his village chief
A selfie with the Queen (past or present)
Tunde shouted, “This is madness!”
The sorcerer replied, “Welcome to the UK immigration system.”
Chapter 4: The Magical Bus Has Had Enough
Tunde ran to the magical bus.
“Bus, I’m finished. The sorcerer wants documents that don’t exist.”
The bus sighed deeply.
“This is beyond my horsepower. We need the Pub Wizard.”
Chapter 5: The Pub Wizard’s Secret Weapon
At The Drunken Unicorn, the Pub Wizard listened carefully.
He stroked his beard, took a sip of ale, and whispered:
“There is only one way to defeat the Home Office Sorcerer.”
Tunde leaned in.
“You must submit… A Strongly Worded Cover Letter.”
Tunde gasped. “A cover letter?”
“Yes,” the wizard said. “A letter so clear, so organised, so polite-yet-threatening… that even the Sorcerer trembles.”
He handed Tunde a glowing quill.
“Write with confidence, my boy.”
Chapter 6: The Final Battle
Tunde marched into the Home Office fortress.
The Sorcerer appeared, swirling in a tornado of paperwork.
“You dare return?” he hissed.
Tunde raised the glowing cover letter.
“I have provided all evidence. I meet all requirements. And I will not be intimidated.”
The Sorcerer shrieked.
“No! Not clarity! Not organisation! Not… confidence!”
The cover letter glowed brighter.
The Sorcerer melted into a puddle of outdated guidance notes.
Tunde stood victorious.
Chapter 7: The Visa Decision
Weeks later, Tunde received another letter.
He opened it slowly.
It read:
“Your visa has been approved.”
Tunde danced. The magical bus honked. The Pub Wizard fainted from joy. Even the Landlord Dragon sent a congratulatory invoice.
Tunde had done the impossible.
He had defeated the Home Office Sorcerer.
Moral of the Story
In the UK, courage is important. Strength is useful. But nothing, absolutely nothing, is more powerful than:
A well‑written cover letter and unnecessary patience.
