The first version of The Mummy came out in 1932, the most recent (Brendan Fraser in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) in 2008. What possible reason could there be for going back to this near-depleted well? โMesopotamiaโฆ currently known as Iraqโ says a scene-setting caption, suggesting one possible reason and raising hopes of an updated, politically-savvy movie where the real villain is Americaโs disastrous post-9/11 Middle East policy. (Fair warning: this is not that movie.) Another reason appears in the casting โ because this is no longer Arnold Vosloo (or indeed Boris Karloff) as the mummified Imhotep but Sofia Boutella as the ancient princess Ahmanet, her curse a form of seduction; sheโs the Mummy as hot mama.
This is part of Hollywoodโs current โLetโs do what we usually do, only with a womanโ policy, the flipside of last weekโs Wonder Woman โ though in fact itโs also the opening salvo in โDark Universeโ, Universalโs bid to do a Marvel by rebooting all its old 1930s horror properties (director Alex Kurtzman is also a producer on the upcoming Bride of Frankenstein and The Invisible Man), and itโs also Tom Cruiseโs new career move as he struggles to remain relevant. Cruise, it must be said, has been unimpeachable lately, schooling the world on the art of the action blockbuster in Mission: Impossible โ Rogue Nation (which was a hit) and Edge of Tomorrow (which sadly wasnโt) โ but heโs also 55 years old and seems to be thinking vaguely about softening his brand, hence the self-consciously feminised Jack Reacher sequel. The Mummy also finds him in playful mode, dodging the attentions of Ahmanet and often playing for laughs amid the mayhem.
Tom is Nick Morton, US soldier and โliberator of antiquitiesโ which he sells on the black market. The ancient princess fancies Nick, having anointed him the Chosen One. She checks his teeth, as you would with a horse, then lifts up his shirt to check his ribcage, presumably to see if itโll fit her sacrificial stiletto; โIโm sorry, what?โ mumbles our hero as she does an incantation in ancient Egyptian. Posh archaeologist Jenny (Annabelle Wallis) also fancies Nick, even if she initially greets him with a punch to the jaw (Cruise comes in for a lot of punishment in this movie) โ indeed, buried deep within The Mummy is a rather delightful comedy about a guy pursued by two women, one of them a 4000-year-old demon. โHell hath no furyโฆโ sighs our hero, and Ahmanet does get jealous at one point (you donโt want to make her jealous) while Jenny speaks scathingly of fickle Nickโs ability to โmimic all the qualities of human intimacyโ โ a sly, surely-inadvertent dig at Cruiseโs reputation for being quite a cold fish, behind the smiley persona.
The Mummy works best at its most insane: in the unexpected comedy bits, some horror slapstick out of Evil Dead 2 โ Nick doing battle with Ahmanetโs zombie-like assistant mummies, putting a fist through one zombieโs head and brushing body parts off his lapels โ and Russell Crowe as Dr. Jekyll, fusty and rotund as the good doctor then going all Ray Winstone after he transforms into Mr. Hyde. (I didnโt know about โDark Universeโ when I watched the film, and found Jekyll/Hydeโs role charmingly random; itโs a lot less charming now that I realise itโs part of some long-term marketing plan.) The first half has a good enough ratio of insane-to-prosaic to hold the attention. The second half, relocated to London, grows increasingly un-special, though it never jumps the shark to actively annoying.
Highlights include an underwater climax (Rogue Nation had one too), Nick and Jenny frantically looking for parachutes in a stricken plane, plus assorted action scenes in London where they narrowly avoid getting crushed by a Tube train and a No. 25 bus. Breaking down the action isnโt much fun in these big blockbusters, though (especially when it also includes weightless CGI effects like swarms of rats and spiders); itโs all a little samey, lacking personality. The Mummy has the cautious air of the first film in a hoped-for new โuniverseโ, never quite committing to wacky comedy โ not only does Nick have an earnest conversation with his zombified best friend, they also meet in a ladiesโ toilet with irate women knocking on the door โ and never quite convincing as a proper vehicle for Tom Cruise, either. The ending is almost embarrassing, pumping up the origin-story angle with Nick โ now part-man, part-monster โ going out into the world, ready for adventures as he searches for a cure while resisting temptation (โEvil never rests!โ warns the voice-over); itโs all so portentous, so transparently promising lots and lots more sequels โ yet will audiences really clamour for more of this unspectacular Mummy? As our hero politely informs the horny and demonic ancient princess: โIโm sorry. Weโre just never going to happenโ.
DIRECTED BY Alex Kurtzman
STARRING Tom Cruise, Annabelle Wallis, Russell Crowe
US 2017 110 mins
