Etcetera comes back with part 2 of this controversial topic.
r to gossip with your fellow Lekki husband friends and come back here snoring like a camel at night. Hope you replaced the fuel you used yesterday because I am getting tired of spending my hard-earned money on your lazy ass.’
Honey, what do you mean that all I do is eat, sleep and shit? Don’t I wash the cars every morning? Don’t I also loosen your braids? Why are you lying that I haven’t spent a dime on you since you married me? Didn’t I buy you a handkerchief last week? Why are you talking to me this way? Is it because I lost my job before you married me? Is this how other female celebs talk to their men?’
‘Since when did you become a man? The only time you are a man is at night when you want sex. Mscheew. Man ko, mango ni. For your information, other female celebs treat their men like the crap that they are. You should thank your stars I have a better heart. Ask your friend Gbenga, let him tell you how he was washing shit off his wife boyfriend’s car tyres the last time I was at their house.’
‘Mummy, Uncle Alfred, I want to poo poo naa.’
‘Awww coochi coochi, I’m so sorry. Oya Alfred take her to poo poo. Make sure you bathe her properly and get her ready on time. Her piano teacher will soon be here. Alfred, come back here when you are done. I was told you brought that stupid friend of yours into my house yesterday.’
‘Which stupid friend?’
‘The light skin radio presenter who does the evening show on that Cool station on the island.’
‘Honey can I turn off the AC before I freeze?’
‘Shut up Alfred, stop acting like you don’t know who I’m talking about. That presenter they say beats up his wife all the time, the one that even his colleagues at the radio station don’t like; the one that musicians complain about.’
‘Honey he is not my friend oo. How can you call him my friend? Is it because he is also a Lekki husband? Must I be friends to all Lekki husbands? If you are mistaking him for my friend Femi, Femi is not an albino. Besides, none of my friends is a wife beater.’ ’I hear you. Oya, come and help me with this dress. Can you imagine I am going late for my own movie premiere?’
‘Honey, are you not going to wear a bra? Don’t you think this your blue dress is too revealing?’
‘Alfred, stop asking stupid questions and pull up the damn dress. Didn’t I tell you that my movie premiere is at the Presidential Villa? And you want me to wear a bra?’
‘Ehen? Are you going to premiere your movie or yourself?’
‘Alfred please, I am not in the mood for your meaningless talks. Just shut up ok? How do you think I put food on the table? Has it ever occurred to you to ask how I bought the cars you drive? Do you think any female celebrity can achieve anything in this country by wearing bra? Help me bring my phone joo, that must be Shade. I’m off but I will be back in Lagos with the last flight. Me and my girls are hanging out here in Lagos tonight. Hey Alfred, before I forget, when Princess is asleep, I need you to rush down to “The Palms” and buy a pack of boxers for that my dark man-friend. His birthday is tomorrow.’
‘Honey what is his waist size?’
‘Alfred, please be smart for once. You are asking me this stupid question as if you haven’t met him before. Ok, he’s your size. If that’s what you want to hear. Please take very good care of my Princess. And don’t let me look for you when I get back. Do you hear me? Alfred, are you deaf? I say don’t let me look for you when I am back.’
‘Ahan naa honey, I have heard you.’